Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Math, Misery and Motivation

Math and me….well I never liked it personally, but there is something to be said for it which would be mainly dollar signs for people who were lucky enough to grasp it, then expand upon those skills. I have spent enough time in 5th grade now that my math skills are beginning to click in again (sans calculator). Recently I had the joy of spending four days in high school Algebra II. This basically consisted of me, a stack of worksheets, twenty-five sulky, sleepy, texting teenagers (per class), and no pencils. There was also an abundance of amnesia, sickness that required nurse’s passes and students who went to the restroom and never came back. I also now answer to “Miss” or “Hey Miss.”
Although the worksheets were supposed to be a “review,” nobody in those classes had apparently seen anything like it before, and they were completely horrified that it was a requirement. I tried motivation, I tried the old “You-are-going-to-need-this-stuff-to-find-a-job” threat. It did not faze them. Apparently they are not stressed about climbing the corporate ladder and they can already afford Iphones, so they pulled up their hoodies, texted at the speed of light, or dropped into a deep sleep sitting straight up in their chairs.
Meanwhile, Day 4 of the Worksheet Hostage Crisis finally ended. I found myself coasting out of high school and back to 5th grade where I feel I belong because there are fewer x and ys to deal with, no weird symbols with pastry names, no mention of roots being square or otherwise, no function of x as it approaches something, or infinity, numbers acting irrationally, quadratic headaches, coefficients that are inefficient….but I digress.
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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Smarter than a 5th Grader....or Not

Unprepared….check. Hectic….check. Disobey the rules…always. Where do you go? Go through this door, down then two, step out another door, not that big, metal one, then go through the cafeteria and the kids should be out there. If you should have any problems, just use their conduct folders where you can open them up and see a series of dates, codes, teachers and locations which all resemble some sort of language that the State Department might use for security. Okay…should? Welcome to the world of substitute teaching.
Today it is 5th grade science which is no problem even if you majored in English or Art or Business or something else totally unrelated because everyone remembers the Periodic Table and knows all about elements and properties and kids who don’t do their work. So speaking of being out of one’s element, this might comprise an average day of conversation:
Ms. B. “Why did you call table order? We always line up in Line Order. ”
Thank you, Samantha. Okay then, everyone heard her….Line Order and Quick!
Ms. B. “You really need to write the words so they will appear on the whiteboard. Mr. M. always stands right there.”
“Well this is how we are doing it today.”
Ms. B. “Something growled behind me.”
“Well Caleb, I have some bad news and some worse news. It’s a demon. The worse news is that it is only haunting you. I suggest you text Amy from The Dead Files immediately on the very same phone that you have been texting on all class period long when everyone else was diligently answering their questions on the atomic weight of carbon and who constructed the ancient Mayan pyramids.”
Ms. B. “Are you frustrated?”
“No, Ashley, not at all. Ms. B. is just tired…..and sort of ….flabbergasted.”
Okay, so maybe I didn’t tell that student that he had demon trouble, but I’m sure more adventures await…..happy Monday!
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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Teaching Is...

Turning in my P.R. keys
Going back to those
who might need me
Classes full of
boisterous, jostling
kids
talking too loud
not worrying
about the mechanics
of English grammar
they say
The Count of Monte Cristo
is too boring
Pride and Prejudice is also
I almost might agree
but its really about
building character
deepening understanding
as I well remember
my own distaste
for A Tale of Two Cities
meaningless outline
crafted by a would-be
English teacher long ago
I must make them see
knowledge is power
build in them
the drive to succeed
teach them a little
something about humanity
and respect
Respect others
Respect themselves
I will have
50 minutes per day
to accomplish this
Teaching is a lot
of things
and not for the
faint of heart….
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Haikus

Diving down in murk
Spearing fish for dinner
Behold tiger shark!
It’s almost school time
Get out the sensible shoes
Tell them grammar is cool